Not Why? What!

Upset! Who’s upset. Yes, we get upset from time-to-time. Let’s look at a particular frequent scenario.

Scenario:   You are peaceful, relatively peaceful and your friend/significant-other flies off-the-handle in a improvisational tirade. 

My suggestion: Listen to the tone of your own voice.

Any group of helpful or consoling words will (chameleon-like), change meaning with the tone of your voice. We’ve all heard the same sentence have four different meanings with tone-of-voice and phrasing (grouping words).

Try these steps:

1.  Listen to the person’s full problem without interrupting them. If they will not let you get a word in edgewise, ask “Can/May I speak for a bit?” All the while keeping peaceful yourself.

They may go on being upset, without taking a full breath. That’s OK. Let them finish or just wait for that little window to ask again, if you can say something. 

2.  Now, here is my point, at this point use a soft and calm tone-of-voice.

The kind of voice you would use in church or in the bedroom.

You can imagine what I mean.

3.  Almost instantly his/her direction will change from fretting about Why this is happening to working on What to do about it.

You will be the one setting it up to have the outcome you desire. It’s not magic, it’s being more aware of your own power to create your own reality.

The worst problem between me and my husband is the mutual, newly-wedded person’s desire to make sure we are “making each other happy.”

So I was happy to see, as soon as I lived through the above scenario with him, he found a way for my plans for the day to happen with enjoyment.  The song goes, “Love Is A Many Splendored Thing”  . . .  yet, seemingly elusive. 

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Social Distancing

We have a new thing! Social Distancing, isn’t it grand. Sorry to be sarcastic. It’s the pits.

Anthropologist Edward T. Hall , explained about social distance back when being in-person, within breathing space, was not such a big deal. He developed this chart for where to stand to”be in-someone’s space.”

He describes, Public Space as someone being beyond 4ft from you. Social Space being as close as 1.5 feet away up to 4 feet out. Closer than 1.5 feet is being in your Personal Space and closer that that as your Intimate Space.

It makes sense. especially now when your distance away from another person in stores, the post office, the bank is so critical. Dr. Hall developed this chart after making world-wide studies of social behavior.

Yes, you guessed right. Even Dr. Hall admits his research has been extended by technological advances such as the telephone, walkie talkie, and television, among others. Hall’s analysis of social distance came before the development of the internet, which has expanded social distance exponentially. I believe we have gone full circle, no pun intended.

The Coronavirus has brought our attention back to how we act in public. We were so used to shuffling along, squeezing in-between one another to get to the front. Loving the crowd at concerts, political events, our kids school performances. I think I’m gonna cry.

When I went to the grocery store early this morning, when it opened , since that is when the store is the most clean; I saw so many sad or stressed-out faces. We hear and gotta get it through our heads that we are in this together. We must put-on our thinking caps to create what we want for a new social structure. Fear just doesn’t work for me. How about you?

I love people. I’m one of those people who needs people. I’m praying this virus gets under control as soon as possible, saving lives and giving me permission to stand closer and even hug.

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Change MY Name??

I just spoke with a woman who wonders how she will handle her future married status’ name change. Where did this idea come from and why should it be such a big deal?

It began to surface in English common law in the ninth century. That’s when lawmakers began to consider the legalities surrounding personhood, families, and marriage. It is also when women’s selfhood further eroded, as it become Common Law.

Common Law recognizes unions created by mutual agreement and public behavior. There are many Common Laws, mutable by each State of the Union and normally based only in public behavior, while being maintained by elected Judges.

Becoming tradition, this doctrine of coverture https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coverture proclaimed women had no independent legal identity apart from their spouse. It actually began upon the birth of a female baby – who was given her father’s surname – changing only at her marriage, at which point her name was automatically changed to that of her new husband.

So far back in time, the doctrine of coverture merged requiring women thereafter to be considered “one” with their husbands, and to assume the husband’s surname as their own. Women were then prevented from entering into contracts, engaging in litigation, participating in business, or exercising ownership over real estate or personal property.

This caused a feminist uprising occurring in time with the passage of Married Women’s Property Acts in several U.S. states in the mid-1800s. Under these acts, women gained individual legal status for purposes of signing contracts, engaging in business and commerce, and making purchases to acquire property. Since, the woman’s name had its own independent legal significance, the number of women opting to retain their birth name began to rise.

Much, much later, in the 1970’s a Tennessee Judge ordered a woman be free to use her given name to registering to vote. Around the same time, the prefix “Ms.” emerged, allowing women to assert their identity apart from their marital status.

Today, 20% of American women retain their birth name after marriage. A lower percentage than in the 1970s and 1980s. Back then, many women saw keeping their birth name as an equality issue. For today’s brides the choice is more practical, rooted in professional identity.

The future of married surnames remains to be seen, with the advent of gay marriage. While many newlyweds choose to retain their birth name, some couples have opted for the non-traditional route of combining parts of both surnames to create a totally new identity. 

Your identity is more than the names you use when asked, “What’s your name?”

I believe it should not be coded to tell your life story, as in Mrs. or thoroughly modern Ms.

Sovereignty is your full right and power over yourself, without any interference from outside sources or bodies.

Your name, repeated over and over by you and others, always referring to you and only you, wears on you and your sense of identity. You are the sum of your accomplishments. Commonly, you are a sensitive creature with emotions directing you to a feeling of peace and contentment. I suggest you maintain your sovereignty.

As always I welcome your comments.

Today’s Wardrobe Tip: When you mistakenly put a white garment in the wash with new clothes that bleed color onto your whites, don’t despair. Use a product called OUT White Brite. It removes rust, yellowing, red clay and color bleeds. It’s important to completely follow the directions. It works like magic.

Today’s blog is taken in-part from:

Stephanie Reid, https://seattlebridemag.com/expert-wedding-advice/history-behind-maiden-vs-married-names

Wikipedia.https://en.wikipedia.org/

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Not Shut-In

Shift your focus, . . . your body has unlimited potential, think about it.

Soon I will release, on YouTube, information that will soothe our passive and not-so-passive fear/frustration over COVID-19 and life in general.

Who am I to suggest alternatives? I am an artist who has acted like a dressmaker for 35 years and now helps people to use their imagination to solve day-to-day problems. I have been described as having incredible persistence and stamina for creating my own life.

Enough.

I want to know about you.

I can imagine how different life is during these 15, maybe 10 days of isolation. That’s our part of helping to get the Coronavirus under control. But, it seems like it may continue to be around, changing our lives with it.

I say, terrific!

Let’s dream; as Gregory Porter says in his song, Painted On Canvas.

We are like children, we're painted on canvas

Can I use the colors I choose

Do I have a say what colors you use?

Can I get some green and some blue?

What do you use?

You have powers you just barely use to full advantage. Personal powers to create reality for yourself. Dream, change and refine the dream and then, focus your thoughts over time. Depending on your ability to focus your thoughts, you will see reality change to match your dream. You have absolute control over your own thoughts.

We are like children, we're painted on canvas

Admire the view

Thank you, Gregory Porter

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After The Shock

Soon we will adjust to the shock of being sequestered on a grand scale. Notice your nerves start to calm. This is a good time to use your imagination and creativity for peace-of-mind. You do not have to give up! You can make something out of this that will be helpful to you. You can establish a whole new way of relating to one another.

Focus on your relationships, even though the physical element is not allowed. Talk a lot online, by phone and text so when the restrictions are lifted, our sense-of-self and the quality of our relationships have risen to a higher level. Right now, when you can safely meet, do it outdoors and do not touch. Laugh, smile, talk and dance in your home even if you are by yourself. Get yourself out-of-doors and relate to the element that resonates with you. The simple elements are air, wood, water, fire, metal. Breathe deep and fully.

Talk about the coronavirus with friends and family until it’s talked through. Don’t argue with the restrictions, they are designed to reduce the spread of the virus. Use common sense and good hygiene. Be there for one another. In this case it’s most important to honor the other person’s principles and maintain your own principles. In other words, stick to your agency and honor the agency of your family and friends.

In a few months the Coronavirus will be more understandable. Even though it’s a time-laden process, it is temporary in the larger scheme of things. This is unique time, where we need to communicate our desires, wants and needs clearly in everyday moments. Be one of those people who makes such a good impact on people’s lives, they are calmed and centered by you and can barely remember life before this time.

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Yielding the Sword

It cuts right through everything possible. The wide and wonderful field of what has yet to happen just moments ahead, gets stopped in mid-air. It feels like a brick wall. It’s not fair or equitable. it’s the phase, “That will never happen.”

Dearest, let me enlighten this scenario. Nothing is never. Saying that something will never happen is irrelevant. As sure as the grass grows, change is constantly present.

Don’t ask why people say, “It will never happen.” Asking why, messes with your true nature. “It will never happen,” comes from a scarcity mindset . (scar-city).

It is better to ask What? What can you do, what is going on here, what is possible.

Never has a co-conspirator by the name of Always. You may hear, “It’s always that way; or, “They are always going to do that.” Same scenario. Nothing is Always, just as nothing is Never. When you enter the field of possibilities, what is possible is just around the corner. Your idea gains momentum with focus and attention. In other words, when you focus on a thought and pay attention to your surroundings you give your idea momentum (energy and increasing power) to be.

Remember: UCREATEveryday. When you see your idea become reality, see it flashing across your awareness, . . . say yes! Invite it into your life. This is an important step.

After all , when you heard, “That will never happen,” and “They always make it impossible to __________________.” fill-in the blank. You became temporarily hard-of- hearing and went about your everyday creative day.

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Dinner and the Power of Choice

Gourmet is created to appeal to all of our senses. It affects us in many ways.

Right or wrong, it has something to teach us.

We also feel our history, our personal history, often and in many ways.

Growing up had two chapters. The first chapter was abundant. Dad was a successful lawyer in his own practice. We had a five bedroom, three story brick house on two lots in Allen Park, MI. We had everything, very often new clothes, lots of food, dinners out, and many vacations. Year by year, time went on . . . then, life changed.

I was awake at night to hear Dad’s abuse of Mom. His deep booming voice minimizing her natural goddessness. And then a thump and a quiet sobbing. Shocked and deeply sad, I had a decision to make. As a 12yr old child, did I allow this intel to minimize me, after all, this was my mother and father!  Or did I wait, use time to see how it turned out, keeping my thoughts to myself.   I chose the latter, like most 12yr olds in the 1960s.

Mom and Dad were divorced in less than a year. We moved from that house, plenty big for eight, into a house too small for the six of us. Now we had one pair of sneakers, one pair of boots, minimally just what we needed. Consequently we had to keep our clothes clean and ready to wear again, day after day.

The most profound change was with dinner. Pre-divorce we were required to be on-time, face and hands washed and seated at 6pm. We heard a passage from the Bible and learned a new word weekly from the dictionary. Dad would quiz us through the week to correctly pronounce, spell and recite the weekly word. We had to share what happened to us and how we felt about it. And we had to be excused before we left the table.

Post-divorce dinners only happened when someone complained they were starting to get hungry. Hand washing was only when my sister and I thought our younger brothers’ hands were “too gross.” What was served was often over- cooked from a slow-cooker Mom started before she went to work. Or it was something I could devise from little bits of left-overs and flavors hidden deep in the fridge and cupboards. Again, I chose to experience this as early training for my future career as a fine dining chef or as “the gourmet chef” in our big Italian family. What happened that day and our feelings about it were now left unsaid at dinner, to built up stress. Instead, we would talked it out in private one-on-one. Sometimes the tension got very heated, depths-of-our-soul types of emotions.

Pre-divorce and post-divorce both had positive and negative aspects and life lessons. Far beyond simply being fed, communal dinners nourish in a total feeling way. It does this in many forms, often indescribable. As long as people have face-to-face contact, and especially if they’re tightly linked by an emotional bond.

It’s a tradition worthy of preserving, resurrecting, or creating new, now.

Start from where you are.

From my heart, let me express to you how much choice you have every way, everyday. As a kid, and still today, I use my imagination to keep growing, keep flowing along. Very little needs to be ingested, it’s up to you. 

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T i m i n g

Time has a way of marching on and taking tiny bits of us along with it. I say its a tool to be used wisely. Its absolute, like a non-renewable resource, we can’t reclaim any part of the past. At best we have comforting memories or regret backing-up on Time’s energy flow.

And flow it will. We have energy to spend in the course of our day, the minutes and hours of our day(s). So many things we could have done but time got in the way, a lyric that comes to mind.

Time can be construed to move faster than it does by putting too much into the minutes and days. Over-achievers, over-thinkers, over-doers, just about the only thing that can’t be over-done is love.

Love is the one thing that needs space and time to exist. There is nothing automatic, com-mandible or wishful about it. To love is to stay-put and walk through fire to get to that paradise beach walk hand-in-hand. It requires the tool of TIME and that of SPACE, empty space, like a black sheet of paper. You say something, anything to me, then, I don’t speak allowing space for the energy to dissipate and creative thought to be. You can say you’re thinking or have nothing to say right now. Within the empty space you provide is the room for love to do its magic. Being required to answer back so quickly is stressful. SPACE will serve you in so many ways.

Time will let love grow. Your love, the love inside you right now, will let that happen.

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Not To Be Taken Lightly

Being thorough or having follow-thu, is easy, . . . right?

Well, many times it doesn’t happen. There is some kind of disconnect between what we intend to do and what actually happens. This disconnect can disappoint people, shake-up relationships, derail a promotion at work, lose a job, cause a bad review, harm a friendship or cause a love-loss creating heartache.

Its a matter of clarity and will power. Make it easy on yourself and just be clear on what you truly can do yourself, and very mindful of what you promised someone else. When you say, I will ______(do this particular something). JUST DO IT!

Start slow; start with following-through once, then, advance to trying it once-a-day. As time goes on you will develop a habit of following-through with what you said you would do. There are big pay-offs.

You’ll notice people trust you more. That’s a nice thing. Over time the benefits grow, exponentially. People will compliment you, choose to spend time with you, it goes on and on.

Thoroughness, following-through is best when the thing to do is for yourself. I have heard that one should not cross themselves. That is the same as telling yourself you will do something and not doing it, then, pretending it doesn’t matter to you. Believe me, it matters. It wears you down. I’ve been there. I’ve done that.

You are born with an independent free will that has power. Take it out from the place you have had it tucked-away, shake the wrinkles out of it, dust it off. Give this power some fresh-air and sunshine, or a good shot of expresso. Get it in action.

You go . . . avatar.

Wardrobe Tip for Today: When your favorite winter jacket’s zipper insert starts to fray there is a fix. You can sew it so it stays strong and does not get worse, requiring installation of a whole new zipper. That is a huge hassle or a big expense. So check out this series of photos and leave a comment is you have questions.

Frayed end of zipper
Folded-in end of double-folded seam binding matching the color.
Hand-sew it to the partially frayed end before re-assembly. Leave room for it to zip correctly.
Done. Match the tread so it will not matter if its perfect. Use a zipper foot to replace the missing stitches. Stitch slowly and carefully with the different thicknesses.

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Intuition

Intuition will lead you to your destiny. Your destination in life. It’s a sense of knowing whatever you’re doing is right. Whatever you’re saying is right. Whatever you’re planning is right.

It’s a knowing, . . . an acute sense that has absolutely nothing to do with logic. It defies logic. This is why, despite the evidence you’ve already experienced about your Intuition being true. Despite that you have said to yourself , “ You know my Intuition said that would happen!” Or, “I knew that would happen!” Still, You won’t follow it because you can’t explain to anyone WHY you followed it. You can’t explain to someone else why you took that action so you don’t do it. Later you know, “I should have, . . . ________“ You fill in the blank.

No authority has ever told you how valuable it is. No one said how true it is. In all your years, no one explained how perfect it is for you. How customized, how unique. How right it is!

It’s a sensitive feeling felt with your total body’s senses, along with sight, hearing, touch and taste. And those senses taking you higher . . . prayer, chakras, meridians. Through your sense of it, your intuition tells you that something feels right or it feels wrong. You will have a gut feeling to trust or to reject. 

If you stop to think, you’ve lost it. Think so you stay safe and noble. Leave logic out of it.

To keep aware of your Intuition takes so little effort. It could be said it takes negative effort. It certainly requires your trust. When you are able to tap into your intuition, a feeling of calm confidence begins to grow. And it keeps growing with every move you make in your life. It moves the direction of your own path. The path shown to you by your intuition. It is your guide. 

Here’s your wardrobe tip for today. To maintain the great color of your jeans and corduroy pants try this little step at the washing machine. Turn the pants inside out. zip the zippers closed but DO NOT button or snap the top. They will come out of the wash just as clean but the color will take much, much longer to wear out. All the longer to enjoy that great color.

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